Notebook Paper Confessions
by Dani Meows
Summary: I pushed you away, unable to let anybody get close enough to me to hurt me, and then in my loneliness, I blamed you for everything. I have no right to apologize, no right to say that I consider you my best friend. That I miss you. That I want to make it


Notebook Paper Confessions

Pairing: Mai/Joey

Author's Note: It's been a long time since I've written a yugioh fanfiction but after seeing the end of the Waking the Dragons arc, I needed to write some Mai/Joey, to see some resolution, since I felt unsatisfied by the end of the arc.

He didn't recognize the handwriting, but he didn't need to see the label to know who'd mailed him this letter. It smelled of her perfume. He hadn't seen her since the Dartz ordeal, a fact that hurt him, why did she always run? Why wouldn't she let him in?

Going inside and laying on the bed he began to read:

_Dear Joey,_

_I'm sorry for everything I've done. I kept pushing you away, before the Battle City incident, after the Battle City incident. I pushed you away, unable to let anybody get close enough to me to hurt me, and then in my loneliness, I blamed you for everything. I have no right to apologize, no right to say that I consider you my best friend. That I miss you. That I want to make it up to you._

_If I was so sorry why did I run? I ran because running is what I do when I'm scared, when I don't know what to do. I ran because I was afraid that you'd never forgive me. I turned against you, I betrayed you and I betrayed myself. I ran because I couldn't face what I had done. I'd trapped people's souls. I'd caused you to lose your soul._

_I don't deserve forgiveness. I deserve the loneliness._

_I love you Joey. You do things that make me want to scream in frustration, but then you do things that are so very brave and so very strong. You do things that make me afraid because I didn't care about anything but money and winning the game, until you and your friends came around and showed me that there was more. I lost but I didn't care, that was weird, that was not me. I was changing and I didn't like it._

_I run because I love you. I run because I'm scared. I run and try to forget the nightmares that plague me._

_The nightmares where Marik succeeds in taking my memories, where I'm trapped forever in the shadow realm, watching my friends fade away one by one. The one where not only do I attack you and end the game, but the hold that Dartz had over me isn't broken and I relish the fact that I've beaten you, that I've stolen you soul. They haunt me these dreams but they are my penance for my sins, for my foolish pride._

_I've got to go now. I've given up dueling for a while. It lost it's fun and became a source of nightmares for me, so you probably won't see me at tournaments anytime soon._

_Take care Joey._

_Love,_

_Mai._

He was crying halfway through the letter written in pretty flowing cursive on soft pink stationary. He needed to find her, he looked at the envelope and sighed once more, the address was just a post office box.

He dug through his room for some paper, all he had was simple notebook paper, surely confessions of the heart should be written on better paper. He didn't want to wait, to begin to write, to begin to say what was on his mind. Notebook paper would have to do.

_Dear Mai,_

_I love you too. I don't blame you for what happened with Dartz. I should have kept better track of you. Of how you were doing. We were friends but did I ever once call the number you gave me to reach your cell phone? No I didn't think to find out how you were dealing with the after effects of what Marik had done to you._

_I... failed you Mai. That's why I had to snap you out of it. That's why I fought so hard in our last duel. I was so happy that it was my soul that was going to be taken not yours. So happy when I realized that you weren't going to attack me that despite appearances you were not gone and that you valued our friendship. I didn't mind losing my soul, as long as you didn't lose yours._

_I first failed you during your duel with Marik. I tried to save you, to prevent anything bad from happening to you and I failed. I checked on you everyday hoping for a miracle, that it was a mistake. That you'd wake up and begin to yell at me for something._

_I love you when you're mad. The way you get into it and yell at me. You're so beautiful that even when your angry, I get distracted by your beauty._

_I wish that I could make your nightmares go away. I wish that I could hold you. That I could comfort you. But I can't because you aren't here._

_I miss you. The last tournament, I was in wasn't the same without you. When Mokuba said that they couldn't find you to invite you. I was sad. I love dueling with you. You play with passion to win. You relish victories and you always challenge my strategy._

_I miss you Mai. I hope one day to see you again. I love you._

_Love,_

_Joey._

He hoped when she read it, she would see how much he missed her, and how much she meant to him.

He stuck it in the mailbox, his heart pounding in his chest. Would it reach her? Would she respond? Would he get to see her again?

Then he walked to Yugi's house, they had another tournament to prepare for. He'd see her when she was ready to see him and not before then, but he hoped she was ready soon.


End file.
